Stress-free Guide to Habit Building and Goal Setting
Originally post on trainwithb.com
This is more than just a blog post. Take a moment to gather a few things before you continue reading. What you will need…
A pen
Paper
Timer
15-20 minutes
psst… you can also do this alongside me! Check out this Habit Building Workshop I hosted with Fulcrum Fitness.
Before we begin let's pause...
You’re likely reading this blog because you want to adjust and revitalize your wellness habits. Which is fantastic! Before we dive in though, it's important to recognize that a lot has changed over the past two years. Small habits have changed, like always grabbing a mask on the way out the door or social distancing in public places. How we interact with others has changed. How we work, go to school, eat, and work out. And for many of us, our values have changed. What’s important to you, what you spend your time doing. These changes have a profound impact on our lives and should be taken into account.
When creating new habits and goals try to maintain a present and future mindset. Avoid setting goals like "I want my post-pandemic body back" or "I want to run 5 miles a day as I did in school". Instead, consider how these goals can be adjusted to fit life right now. We can’t make goals for the past, only for the future.
The "Should" Cycle
We had a saying in my household “shoulda, coulda, woulda”. We said it whenever someone was focused on “should” statements. Should statements have no place in habit building, yet they often are foundations when we don’t pay attention.
It all starts with a thought, let’s use the example “I should work out more”.
Typically followed by negative emotion, I feel like I’m lazy or less than because I don't workout enough”.
Sometimes the cycle will stop here and we’ll continue feeling this way, or we’ll take an action, often a little too large to be realistic.
Let’s say you declare you’ll work out for the next 30 days straight, following an Instagram influencers lead.
A few days in you’re exhausted, tired of working out already, frustrated you don’t see results, and give up. You spend the next week doing absolutely nothing.
Guilt and shame come into the picture after you’ve seemingly failed at this new “goal”. And it all starts over again with the same statement “ I should work out more”.
This is just one example of how the should cycle can form. We’ve all been there and it’s all too easy to perpetuate. But today we’ll try a new way!
Note: It’s important to note sometimes our “shoulds” can come from external sources. Social media, family, and even well-intentioned friends. Remember your habits and goals are first and foremost for you. Just because one person says you “should” do something, doesn’t make it true.
A New Approach
Be sure to have your pen, paper, and timer handy because we’re going to start diving into our new approach to habit building.
What's your Perfect Day?
Before we dive into the how - we have to establish our what. We'll do a simple writing exercise to help us choose one habit to focus on for this guide.
Prompt #1: Set a timer for two minutes to write down your best day, when would you wake up, what would you do, when, and how you’d feel. When two minutes is up circle one aspect to focus on for the rest of the exercise.
Finding your Why
The hard part is done! Now we’ll dig a bit deeper. You know what you’d like to change, but now let’s take an honest look at why. We often overlook this portion, but why you want something will end up being very important as we continue.
Prompt #2: Set a time for 2 minutes to write down all of the reasons you have for your habit. Don't censor yourself, write down any and every idea that comes to mind. After two minutes, review your list and circle the first three things you feel are achievable. Don't think about it too much, just circle whatever jumps out at you!
One of the three why's we circle here will become our goal moving forward, our habit from Prompt #1 will be what we use to reinforce it.
Habits vs. Goals
It can be easy to blur the line between habits and goals. And many coaches have different ways of breaking this down. I’ll share my approach. I encourage you to set your “Why” and your goal and your “Habit” to reinforce it for two main reasons.
It allows you to be flexible and make changes without feeling like you’ve failed. For example, let’s say your goal is to feel stronger and your habit is to work out five days per week. After a few weeks, you feel exhausted! So worn out you're giving minimal effort to your workouts and feeling weak. When your goal is to feel stronger, it’s easy to look at this and simply adjust your workout split to 3 or 4 days a week. If we had set our goal as our habit (working out five times per week) changing things would now have a lot more weight to it.
It helps you weed our goals you don’t actually need. This relates back to external shoulds being placed on us. It’s easy to set a goal because it feels right by society’s standards. But when we focus on our "whys” as our goals we can better see and adjust this pattern.
Consider Conditions
Next, we’ll look at conditions needed to nurture this habit. This is where we will explore what needs to be in place in order for your habit to stick. And no, sheer willpower won’t do it. Consider how you can set yourself up for success and nurture this habit for life.
Prompt #3: Set a timer for two minutes and list any conditions you need to complete your habit. Consider location, time of day, supplies, support… After 2 minutes review your list and circle anything that is a "must-have", not a want. We will make sure to refer to this as we set up our plan.
Let's Make a Plan!
Now we’ve laid the foundation needed to create and act on a plan. Let’s explore some common habit-building techniques you can try out!
Habit Building Techniques
Now that we have a goal, a habit, and an idea of the conditions we need let’s explore a shortlist of techniques. Think of techniques as an overlay to your habit. You can use as many or as few as seem right.
The Buddy System
We all learned the buddy system as a child, and for good reason! Having the accountability of another person can be incredibly motivating. The buddy system can work in many ways but here are a few ideas.
Have a friend or partner join you in your habit.
Simply tell a close friend about your goal and ask them to check in on it.
Share your journey on social media (yes social media can be used for good!).
Try body doubling! Have someone in the room with you as you complete your habit, even if they aren’t actively participating.
Reward System
Who doesn’t love a reward? Rewards can be large incentives once you reach a goal, a new workout outfit after training for six weeks. Or incremental, like a fancy bath bomb once a week to reocver! Just try to keep two things in mind when choosing a reward.
Make sure it’s something special! Rewards don’t have to be lavish, but they should feel out of the ordinary.
Be mindful that your reward is aligned with your goal. For instance “cheat days” are a common reward for nutrition goals. But the “cheat days” can negate the nutrition goal, bring us into the should cycle, and lead to other problematic thought patterns.
Baby Steps
If you’ve set a large goal or habit for yourself, you might consider breaking it down into smaller intervals. For example, if your goal/habit is to feel empowered by running a marathon, try to set subgoals, like running a few miles more each week along the way. Small victories are important!
Habit Stacking
This is the habit-building technique I come back to all the time. Habit Stacking is simple. Attach your habit to an existing one. Preferably a habit you will do without fail. For example, I have a cup of coffee every morning. Absolutely nothing would stop that. So if I wanted to adopt the habit of meditation with the goal of feeling more grounded, adding it before or after my coffee would be a way to stack these habits.
Take a moment to consider some of these techniques - which ones stand out to you the most? Which one will fit your goal the best?
Bringing it All Together: Goal Setting
Now we'll take all of our thoughts and connect them into a concrete goal. We’ll refer back to the previous writing exercises.
Choose your goal: Select one circled item from your "Finding you Why" list.
Habit/Action: What habit or action will help you get there? This will be your circled habit from “Your Perfect Day” and “Habit Techniques”
Measurement: Write out how you can measure or track this habit. Will you use a calendar, an app, a journal…
Schedule: How long will your track this goal? Even if you’re goal is very long term, try to give yourself an achievable timeline. I recommend six weeks.
Achievable: Does this seem achievable, relevant, and realistic? Consider your “Conditions” list.
Obstacles: Consider what might get in the way of this, how will you handle this? Write it here for reference.
Reward/acknowledgment: Will you have a reward in place for tracking this goal? How will recognize and celebrate?
Congrats! You just made a tangible, measurable, and realistic goal! This way of habit building and goal setting takes a bit more time and contemplation but can provide deep and lasting results.
Need some accountability? Have a question? Share in the comments below!
